Carry Me By

"All I need is your love

To come and fill this heart of mine.

My heart is a desert

That has gone dry,

And I need Your love

To carry me by..." 

-All I Need, Shawn Mcdonald

     My heart is a desert that has gone dry... this I can understand.  I just pray for His love to carry me by.

     Making decisions is a funny thing for me; I can't ever seem to choose, so I more or less jump right in and pray that I'm not making a mistake.  My latest decision is to no longer be a worship leader.  In a way, this brings me a lot of relief.  A friend of mine once told me that you will always be able to handle the things that God asks you to do, but you won't always be able to handle the things people ask of you, or that you ask of yourself.  Leading worship is something I don't feel I can handle.  I haven't felt that I have truly worshiped in a long time...

     It's as though I've been adding more and more churchy things to my life and routine, in hopes that it would drown out the still small voice inside me whispering that my heart isn't in the right place.  I can do a thousand good things in the name of the Lord and lead worship a billion times, but if my heart isn't right with Him, it amounts to nothing.  I feel I need to take a step back, simplify the things I'm "doing for Christ", and get to a place where I'm ready and willing to simply spend time with Christ.  Until I can be with Him in that way, and worship Him wholeheartedly, I can't lead others into a place of worship with Him. 

     So, for now I strive to simplify, and to press in.  I strive to come back to a place where the Lord is my heart's true desire.  I strive to want nothing more than to sing to Him.  I strive to sing to Him with a joyful heart, no matter how I sound- for a joyful noise is music to Him.

And I will be a redeemed worshiper yet...

<3