Recent discovery: I am a Quitter.
I've noticed that, no matter what I'm committed to, when I start to get antsy and pushed beyond my comfort zone, I cop out. And somehow I always make it sound eloquent, like it's the best thing for me. It isn't. It USUALLY isn't. I don't like to be pushed. Expanding my capacity to handle fear and discomfort makes me itchy.
For example, I find leading worship to be terrifying. Well, not so much anymore, but it's still definitely challenging. I always thought I'd really WANT to lead worship if I was ever asked to, and now I'm like "Dude this isn't easy". I shouldn't be surprised. So- I got uncomfortable. I realized just how completely incapable I am to lead people into the presence of the Lord. But here's the thing- it is in my weakness that He is strong. I'm blessed to be so confident in my inability, because through that, the Lord is more than able.
Being a worship leader is pushing me outside of my bubble- it's stretching me, and growing me, and making me trust in the Lord in new ways. I wanted to step down, but it just took a little push from our wonderful worship director to make me realize this is where I need to be. It really is a beautiful challenge. I think the very fact that it is a challenge is a confirmation that it's where I belong. It isn't where I more-than-anything want to be, but it's something that is pushing me. I believe it has done and will continue to do amazing things in my relationship with the Lord.
So, I realized, no matter how eloquently you put the words "I quit", you're still a quitter. It's like Adonai is saying, "Suck it up, Krista. You know this is good for you, and pleasing to me. And it's beautiful."
That's my Adonai- telling it like it is, in love, always <3
When the going gets tough, the children of the Lord stick it out.
<3 <3
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